her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
