I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
