First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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