I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
