if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
