I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
MIDGETS
????
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
