I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
