There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
