it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
