You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
