K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
