I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
