just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
