Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no, he came in my armpit
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
