Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
