I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
