my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
