she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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