Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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