Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
