the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
