how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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