but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this boner is exhausting
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
