you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
