just survived the first fart of the relationship.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
