My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
