What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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