I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
