i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
