I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hippo gnu deer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
