Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
