sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
