ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
