The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
