my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
