Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
