I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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