Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
