Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
