This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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