How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
