You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
