three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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