Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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