I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
