dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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