Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
