Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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