Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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