Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
