I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
