I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
