Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
