"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
