So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
